Dark days – literally – with the winter solstice tomorrow. We are all sleeping more and I feel the enfolding quality of darkness, a season of wrapping up, keeping close, making room to brood and ponder and prepare for clarity by making space in the night. A time to rest and to play with the blurry edges of wakefulness.
Rise and fall and rise and fall. Wish I could truly let go of the desire for stability, find more joy in falling and rising. Recently made a mistake in not speaking honestly at the right time and my hesitation created this bad vibe. I notice my need to patch things up quickly, so that neither one of us feels uncomfortable. I hope there is an opportunity here to just sit with the discomfort and sense of harm caused, the feeling rift and separation, so that a process of repair and right action can emerge from authenticity and have some lasting effect.
There I go again with a desire for “lasting effect” – of course, I do hope that I can embody more creativity than entropy, more love than hurt, more joy than fear. But I also need to expand my willingness to succumb to falling, to truly go where the journey is taking me.